Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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