I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
