i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
