Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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