sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
