my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
