***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
