No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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