dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
