we have pet lesbian snakes
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
They took my balls.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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