Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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