Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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