By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
