i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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