the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
