So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
