My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
