It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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