is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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