It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
