She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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