She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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