I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
