I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
