Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
