So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
