i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
