Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
