I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
