Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
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he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
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Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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