You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
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I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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