and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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