I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
In America we eat man semen.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
