i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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