at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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