i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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