Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize