It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Randomize
