super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
