I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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