just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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