whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
