Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Randomize
