The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
