So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
