i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
