She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
