I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
