he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
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This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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