First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
