So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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