yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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