So drunk, too bad you don't want this
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
