I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
