11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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