I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i barfeds in our rink
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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