some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
