I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
