I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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