Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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