Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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