his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
