obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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